If ever one day he turns bad, nobody can (or will) help him back!

This man is so full of himself and so tyrannic that nothing and nobody can influence him back to the right path if one day he strays. I asked him once if there is any moment in his life that he was concerned of angering me. He stammered and gave a half-baked answer saying he was afraid of me getting angry over some some things that to me, it's so minor that I won't really bother, and had never blew my top on about. So basically, I got my answer. He has nothing to stop him from becoming a bad person. Cos he simply listen to no one and condemns those who think differently from him.

If he makes a bad decision, he, being a man who thinks a world of himself, of couse he will think that he is right. And if I object, I'll be labelled as having bad attitude and rebutting. So I'll have to conform. So I'll go ahead and carry out his decision, although very unwillingly. And if ever some where down the line, he realised that he had made a bad choice, he would blame me for not standing up for my own opinion and not warning him about it. Bastard!

We are going overseas on Monday. Today is Saturday. He had told me to change the bedsheet 2 days ago. I didn't want to. My rationale was that today we are going to the crematorium, and burning incense and such. We will be dirty and we will be tired. After we come back from our overseas trip, we may also be tired and dirty. In both occassions, it is highly likely that he (or we) will want to take a nap before our bath. So I think that we might as well wait till after our trip to change the bedsheet, and in the meantime, we just tolerate 2 more nights with the current one. Anyway, if I change a new set now, and then leave it to collect dust while we are away for 2 weeks, is not logical to me.

So I wanted to voice my opinion when he told me (nagged at me, or even ordered me) to change the bedsheet the first time. Guess his reaction? Not a very difficult guess. He blew up and ordered me to obey (like a dog). He said that he call the shots in this house and if he say to change the bedsheet, it means to change and no 'ifs' or 'buts'. Fine! I said OK. Whatelse could I say? I'll be labelled as rebutting and showing a bad attitude if I continued. So I thought of finding another chance to talk him out of changing the besheets (this is the exact method that he had endorsed before, while scolding me for rebutting and not finding another chance to voice my thoughts). So there I go, I agreed, and silently decided to find another chance to voice my thoughts.

Today, after a tiring morning at the crematorium, we bought breakfast and came back. He suggested to take a nap after our breakfast. He stepped into the room, saw the bedsheet, and was reminded that he had told me to change it. He started his nagging right away. He asked me why I hadn't change it. I asked back, without a harsh note in my voice, 'Hmm, you seriously want to change ah?' That's the end of story, what did he do? He started his chain of verbal abuse, saying I was defiant. Whatever he told me to do, I should just do it. Don't question his seriousness when he say something (Yeah, right! You had said that you will control your temper!). Hey boy! What's the problem of sharing opinions. Why do you keep telling me that you call the shots? Saying I can never be the gentle, sweet, clever girl who keeps her husband satisfied. Bloody person, want cheap, want good! Who do you think you ah? You watched too much TV? If your bloody love life can be so ideal, then you should be as ideal as the male lead in those shows. Rich, handsome, loving, instead of being nagging, rude, controlling! Anyway, which role on TV taught you to be so long-winded? Which role, once angered, will shout and nag non-stop for more than an hour? Phrasing and re-phrasing his sentences and demanding a reply in 2 secs, only accepting answers that he wish to hear (and mind you, his ideal answer always changes, this time is this, but the next time, it may not be this anymore). I got angry and he got angrier. Half way through our breakfast, this ridiculous monster ordered me to go stand in a corner. BLOODY ASSHOLE!!!!! That is what his sis did to her son when her son keep messing up the table. Which right mind of an adult does he have to order me to do the same thing just because his stupid logic doesn't match mine. I was told to do that twice thoughtout our breakfast. It's humiliating and condemning!

His sis happened to call her. He didn't get up from his seat but ordered me to go get his phone. I went but when I picked it up, she had just hanged up. Of course, his started nagging again, and told me to call her back. Ha, ain't I glad! I called, and harshly told his sis that she should have held on to the call for just one more ring and I would have managed to pick up her call and then I won't get a scolding. I knew she would instantly know that my tone wasn't targeted at her. And yes indeed, she guessed it. Bloody hell, I never screamed or shouted at anybody for this kinda stupid thing, and if I did, of course it's cause of someone else who had made me angry!

After the call, I started changing the bedsheet, unwillingly! Half way through, after I removed the whole set of bed linen, he called from outside. I went out. He said to me 'I'll leave it to your decision. If you decide not to change, then don't change it!' I STARED AT HIM!!!!! I told him I was already half way through. He repeated the sentence again. GOD, AIN'T I MAD!!!!!! But what to do, I wasn't going to pick the changed bed linen up from the floor and put it back again. So I continued to change it. WHAT THE FUCK, if he had just let me decide earlier on, all these wouldn't have happened. Why must he use his cock to think, caused a big fuss out of some illogical, emotional logic of his, and in the end, gave me the power to decide with my fully reasonable logic.

Tell me if he did agree with me after the quarrel, that was why he had gave me the option to choose what I want to do! I bet so. If he had still stick to his bloody damn temper of a bull and insist that my logic was off, then he wouldn't have offered to give me the deciding power.

But fuck . . . ! I married an idiot! So we had to bathe, although very tired, before we got a short nap (and of course I gotta sleep with my hair wet, cos we gotta bathe before we get into bed, and my hair wasn't dry by then AND he insisted we get some sleep cos we were indeed very tired after the long morning). Stupid asshole!

Double Standard Tyrant . . .!

Whenever I go out with my (guy) friends one-to-one, he picks things to flare up. Today is no special. He called to say to call me again. When he called, I was in the loo. So he flared up, even if I called back immediately on point of return. So he said to turn up on time when I state a time, but then he said to let him know if I need more time. Tell me, how contradictory can he be? Anyway, when he had neared, he did not call me to prepare. When he circled 2 rounds, then he called me to ask me where I was. Then accused me of not bringing my phone with me. OK, fine! You win!

By your principle, you should call when you are near, not when you have circled for 2 rounds. How long could a toilet break be? 3 mins? How to circle a big building for 2 rounds in 3 mins? Probably cos YOU HAD CALLED AFTER YOU CIRCLED FOR 2 ROUNDS. You should have called when you were near, so that I could have prepared myself to meet you. But you didn't, and after you circled for 2 rounds, you accused me of delaying the time.

If you have called when you were near, how long will you have to wait? 5 mins? For me to get the bill and go to the loo and walk to the location you were saying? What's with waiting for 5 mins at a bus stop that doesn't stop a bus in 30 mins and there's no traffic to horn at you when you stop? You can't even wait for 5 mins for your lady. What a gentleman!!!!!!

Good, tomorrow, no matter what, I'm gonna fetch you to and from orchard rd. See how you'll manage your time by telling me a specific time to wait, and not overrun by even 1 min.

Good luck to you!!!!! Damn bloody asshole!!!!

HE FOUND OUT!!!!

Damn! He found out about my blog!

I was helping him with a website on my thinkpad, but I forgot to navigate away from this page on my pc, which was situated right beside my thinkpad. I was not sure what he saw exactly, but he was guessing that I was complaining about him.

I didn't allow him to read on. He sounded quite disturbed when he asked me why I was blogging instead of talking to him and if I was complaining about him. I said I was complaining about everybody and he is not allowed to read. And that whenever I tried to tell him something, it always pointed towards me in the end, which means I did not get to vent my frustration, yet I got more naggings/scoldings from him, to worsen my day!

He said he would try to change!

Oh well . . . !

I'm terribly sick, but he still cares only about if I please him or not . . . !

How duh can he be?

I was feeling nauseous and giddy at midnite. I had vomitted twice. My response was slow and I was feeling terrible. First, he scolded me for not agreeing to go to the doctor. Whatever, I was so uncomfortable that I probably was not thinking straight. Any comforting and doting words? No! Just nagging and scolding.

Finally, we were on the way to the doc. He asked if I had urgent work to do the next day. I forgot what I had mumbled, he had forgotten what I had mumbled too. But it didn't matter. He was simply so biased that he started scolding me regardless of what my answer was. I had to say sorry and answer his questions immediately and precisely . . . at the same moment when I was feeling horribly uncomfortable. He scolded. He reallyl scolded at the top of his voice. Damn him!

When we reached the clinic, he was still nagging at me. I registered for a number and waited for my turn. What did he do? He sat beside me and continued nagging and scolding about me not answering his question directly, about me avoiding his question, about my bad attitude and that it didn't matter if I was sick, I should have answered his simple question.

What an asshole!!!!

After seeing the doc, I waited for my medicine and started tearing. It was then did he softly asked me why I was crying. I told him it was not long ago did I mentioned that when I am happy, I have to look at his mood, when I'm not happy, I have to look at his mood, and then, even when I was terribly sick, I still had to look at his mood, does he mean that when I am at my last breath, I still have to look at his mood. Did he care about if I was mumbling? Did he care about why I was mumbling? No! He only cared about if I answered his question directly and quickly, and if my answer suited him. He apologized about not being sensitive. I told him it was his failure to control his temper that he become insensitive.

What a husband!!!!!!

Then in the afternoon, I was doing my work while he was asleep. I then went to wake him up. After he woke up, I said I was feeling bloated. He suggested to take the 'ru yi you' to rub. I said OK. He went off to the study room to get the oil. The next moment when he was back, he was nagging at why I did not on the air-con in the study room. I said I had the fan on, which was enough for me. He sat on the bed, and repeated that I should have on the air-con. Within a minute, he had changed a face and started to talk in a harsh tone on why I have no common sense to on the air-con when I had the window closed, although the fan was on, it was not enough. I grew irritated. What was his problem? He was sleeping in the bedroom, does he need to care what I was doing in the study room? Does he need to dictate if I feel stuffy, or I feel cold, or I feel OK in the study room, when he was sleeping like a log in the bedroom? So I said sorry, took the remote control and on the air-con in the study room. I sat down at my table, brewing my anger and swallowing it at the same time. He called me after a minute, demanding me to go back to the bedroom. OK, fine! I went back, he began scolding me for taking so long to on the air-con.

I couldn't remember how it ended. I just remembered I was so damn frustrated. I was sick, I did not like the air-con, but, he had scolded me when I was not feeling well, and ordered me to make the room as like what he would like it if he was there. So he doesn't really care if I feel cold, or I prefer the fan, or I don't feel well. ALL HE CARE ABOUT IS HOW HE WANTS THINGS TO BE, EVEN WHEN HE WAS NOT PHYSICALLY THERE, SORRY, YOU GOTTA DO WHAT HE LIKES IF HE WAS THERE!

So much for taking care of his sick wife!!!