He is a bully ....

My hope for a better family life seems dim! Not long after we came back from our trip, our rows began again.

Guess what triggered it? His inability to locate his own things. He couldn't find his papers, and after madly looking for it for 15 mins and to no avail, he was just trying to find some target to shoot. It was his fault of course, not being able to find his own things. But he was not prepared to keep his unhappiness to himself, and not prepared to shoot himself of course. So when we stepped out of the house, he asked if I wanted to bring an umbrella along as it was drizzling.

I had my hands full, I do not like to carry umbrellas around, and I think that the rain will stop pretty soon. So I told him no. Then he started nagging. He asked why I didn't want to bring an umbrella, then he answered his own question. Said I was lazy. Well yes, it's one of my reasons. So I sort of nodded. Then he continue nagging and nagging on why I cant' just bring an umbrella along. The same time when he was nagging, he started locking the doors. While locking, he continued to nag on why I can't bring one (I have forgotten what he was nagging about. It's just a small issue but he could always find so many sentences to speak.) After nagging on for more than 5 sentences, I asked him why he was locking the doors since he thought that it would be better off having an umbrella with us. He could go on in an grab one. He said since I decided not to get one, so he will respect my decision. So I thought, cool, since you let me make a decision, and I've picked my choice, then you just stick to it and stop nagging.

But he just won't stop, when waiting for the lift, he kept on nagging non-stop about this. I got pissed off and walked back to get an umbrella just to stop him from blabbering on. After getting the umbrella, he still continued his nonsensical complianing. I was so frustrated that I told him off in the lift. I told him when I dont' feel like doing something, why can't he just respect my wishes. Why force me to do something that I don't feel like doing. Even my dad doesn't treat me this way!

I knew that was going to lead to more arguements from him. But I was really frustrated. For a stupid minor issue like if I want to carry an umbrella cause it's drizzling, he could dragged on and on non-stop while not doing anything about it to get what he wanted. I'm starting to understand why some men could commit murder or wife battery because their women just can't stop nagging. It really can turn me mad just by hearing his naggings that seemed like it will never end.

So, of course he became more angry after I said that sentence. And his scoldings became louder and more threatening. He refused to go anywhere (and refuse to let me go anywhere) and just stood by the letterbox scolding me about my decision, my attitude, my behaviour, my tone, etc.... I told him straight in the face that the issue was not about whether I decided to bring an umbrella or not, the issue was about him not being able to find his things and thus vented his anger on me. I said it twice. And he didn't even rebut that I was wrong. He just continued ordering me to watch my words, know where I stand, obey by his rules, treat him like a king, no rebuttals, correct tone, no grinning, good attitude, satisfied answers, etc..... Then the more he talked, the more irritated he became and in the end he took the umbrella and broke it. There he goes again, when he can't get what he want, he starts breaking things.... childish!!!

After breaking it, he ordered me to go up and get another umbrella. Of course I'll do it. So that I can get away from him, I was tired of looking at his face and witnessing his childish and unimagineable tantrums. Sigh! But after taking a few steps, I was ordered back. He said, 'Ok, since you did not want to bring an umbrella, then I'll go by your way. We'll not bring an umbrella, happy?' And then he blamed me for making him break the umbrella. After telling me that the umbrella belonged to his friend instead and I'll have to buy one to replace it, he told me I will have to be responsible for whatever he breaks since it was me who had agitated him and caused him to smash things up. Then we finally started progressing on our journey. While he rumbles on about why we had to quarrel. And for the past few days, we had quarrelled everyday due to my stupidity and bad attitude!!!!!

He still insist that he is right till now! And he still has the cheek to ask me if I had bought an umbrella to replace the one he broke after we came home. Bloody big bully. All these agony just because he was angry with himself.....

After a good break....

It's good to take a break now and then. Travelling gives a opportunity to test the relationship. And travelling with friends gives an even better opportunity to let him see how other couples deal with every day miscommunications and mishappiness.

He has to learn how to stay in a relationship. It's not about he and himself only. There will surely be friction, miscommnications, misunderstandings and such when you stay with each other every day. And it's not worth it to blow up just because of these small little things and ruin the whole day's mood.

He has to learn that whatever mood and behaviour he portrays will either benefit or backfire. It's sad that we sometimes have to check our emotions when in front of others. But it's the way to live. Humans are not islands. We need to socialise, we need to stay in touch. We are not with the friends all the time. And they only form impressions with what they see when they are with us. So if he is going to order me around and throw tantrums over small matters, that's how others will judge his character. No matter how kind he is to me in private, no matter how considerate he is during times in private, it doesn't matter. And who will loose out ultimately? Him! And I do not want it to be so. He has his good points, he just have to check all his unreasonable behaviour to be a better man. He may at times help others, but bad impression stays longer and deeper than good ones, unfortunately. Others may not reciprocrate his helpfulness as they view it as a one-off situation compared to the times when he portrayed himself as a bully.

I seriously am very glad that we had went on this trip. And I seriously am very grateful that the friends we had with us have, in one way or the other, provided opportunities for me (unknowingly) to prove my points to him. He can't force his way on things just because his short temper rules. Because ultimately, he is gonna pay a price for his tyranny. It's not worth getting a win temporarily and loosing out in the end as others start judging him and make things difficult.

I do hope that this tour has changed his way of dealing with his temper. We had a couple of squabbles at the start of the trip. I had chances of pointing out to him the big disadvantages that we get out of it. He had assured me that he sees the light now and will change. I do hope that things will be better from now on....

Pray hard, Caller!!!