Some sucker who's lack of confidence . . . !
He asked me if I realise that we have quarrelled less often recently. Ha! Yes, and why so? Cos he was too busy running about in town and less often at home with me! That's why! But he thinks otherwise. Trust that bastard to feel good about himself over such things!
Anyway, let's move on to what made me mad enough to write this post. After losing a mahjong session, (he lost quite heavily), he said that '呈你贵言, you just said that I may lose and I really lost, etc . . . . ' Whatever he said after the first four words are insignificant. The first 4 words already didn't sound right to me. 呈你贵言 means 'because of your great words'. They are used on occasions that somebody said something good, and one thank the other for the blessing. When it is used on an occasion where something bad had occurred that led to something bad happening, it gives an element of blame. I have always used it sparingly because I do not want to feel that I'm sulking when something bad happens. But he felt otherwise. He felt that the phrase was used just at the right time on the right topic in the right way and it meant to be a joke.
When a conflicting issue like this crops up, of course there will be disagreement and unhappiness. First, I didn't remember saying the words that he claimed I said in that context. And second, it sounded like he was blaming me cos he lost. How not to get offended when he was the one who preached that when one loses, he should be gutsy enough to admit defeat and not to blame others for the lost. I told him casually that I thought I had said something to the effect of 'I'll be very very happy for him when he wins', before the sentence of 'I'm afraid that he will get even more stressed up when he loses'. And I was saying why didn't he mention about the good part. I jokingly said that he blamed me for his lost.
What did he do? Not too difficult to guess. He immediately changed a tone and hardened up his face and told me that I DID SAY THAT AND HE IS CORRECT! He insisted that I had remembered wrongly. That I indeed said the 'losing' sentence and that the 'winning' sentence was said at a different context from the 'losing' one. Whatever, nobody did any recording. I won't insist (you thought me never to insist if there is no proof cos I may really be wrong), but he, the man who is full of principles, insisted and insisted that he was correct. Oh man! Another outright evidence of someone who doesn't do what he preaches.
I saw him starting his incredible temper soon and held back my own feelings that I was offended by his words and attitude. I apologized although seriously, I did not know why I need to. But he was already out of control. His naggings went on and on and on about him stating the fact that I only mentioned about him losing and that using the 呈你贵言 in the sentence is correct. He went on his own rampage and said that I am a loser and I lack self-confidence and I always want the last words and I always rebut.
A loser I am not. He had lost and then linked it to my words. ''呈你贵言' or 'Because of your great words', you said that I may lose and I really lost . . . !' Doesn't it sound like he is blaming me for his lost? If his grasps of Chinese is not that powerful enough to know when and how to use these 4 words, he didn't think so. He thought I was the loser and thus was over-sensitive that he didn't mean to blame me, and instead he was just joking that it was really 'because of my great words' that he lost. Errrr . . . confusing. Yea, but he INSIST THAT HE IS RIGHT AND HE KNOWS HOW TO USE THE WORDS AND HE HAD USED IT CORRECTLY, IN THE RIGHT CONTEXT ON THE RIGHT SUBJECT AT THE RIGHT TIME!
Lack of self-confidence I am not. I have the confidence that I know I did say that he may win too, right before the sentence that he may lose. I had voiced out my thoughts. And I know that the 4 words are not aptly used and I voiced out my concern and displeasure too. I am not meek and lack of self-confidence that I'll always doubt myself whenever I found some differences between what he claims and what I know. After he 'explained' his position, or rather insisted on his ground reasonably, I was opened to new ways of speaking (like using the 4 words but taking it jokingly with no hint of blaming) and is willing to accept his explanation, I have the confidence that if I apologize there and then, I'll still not lose. It's just a different set of opinions. Apologisation and quieting down is not a sign of losing. So I did that. But he did not, he went on and insisted that his and only his way of using it was correct, and that he had remembered what I had said and was very confident that he was right (to him, his display of confidence is being loud and insisting that he is right. but if I insist that I am right, I am showing attitude). Maybe he felt that once he backed down, he would lose all credibility in the future. He cannot lose, he will lose ground in the relationship if he loses and or even try to hold back. Now, who lacks self-confidence?
Having the last words I do not need. It is HE who needs the last word. Cos if he didn't have the last word, he would think that he had lost the battle, he had lost his foot in this relationship, he had lost face, basically, he had lost! Isn't this lack of self-confidence? DUH!
Anyway, let's move on to what made me mad enough to write this post. After losing a mahjong session, (he lost quite heavily), he said that '呈你贵言, you just said that I may lose and I really lost, etc . . . . ' Whatever he said after the first four words are insignificant. The first 4 words already didn't sound right to me. 呈你贵言 means 'because of your great words'. They are used on occasions that somebody said something good, and one thank the other for the blessing. When it is used on an occasion where something bad had occurred that led to something bad happening, it gives an element of blame. I have always used it sparingly because I do not want to feel that I'm sulking when something bad happens. But he felt otherwise. He felt that the phrase was used just at the right time on the right topic in the right way and it meant to be a joke.
When a conflicting issue like this crops up, of course there will be disagreement and unhappiness. First, I didn't remember saying the words that he claimed I said in that context. And second, it sounded like he was blaming me cos he lost. How not to get offended when he was the one who preached that when one loses, he should be gutsy enough to admit defeat and not to blame others for the lost. I told him casually that I thought I had said something to the effect of 'I'll be very very happy for him when he wins', before the sentence of 'I'm afraid that he will get even more stressed up when he loses'. And I was saying why didn't he mention about the good part. I jokingly said that he blamed me for his lost.
What did he do? Not too difficult to guess. He immediately changed a tone and hardened up his face and told me that I DID SAY THAT AND HE IS CORRECT! He insisted that I had remembered wrongly. That I indeed said the 'losing' sentence and that the 'winning' sentence was said at a different context from the 'losing' one. Whatever, nobody did any recording. I won't insist (you thought me never to insist if there is no proof cos I may really be wrong), but he, the man who is full of principles, insisted and insisted that he was correct. Oh man! Another outright evidence of someone who doesn't do what he preaches.
I saw him starting his incredible temper soon and held back my own feelings that I was offended by his words and attitude. I apologized although seriously, I did not know why I need to. But he was already out of control. His naggings went on and on and on about him stating the fact that I only mentioned about him losing and that using the 呈你贵言 in the sentence is correct. He went on his own rampage and said that I am a loser and I lack self-confidence and I always want the last words and I always rebut.
A loser I am not. He had lost and then linked it to my words. ''呈你贵言' or 'Because of your great words', you said that I may lose and I really lost . . . !' Doesn't it sound like he is blaming me for his lost? If his grasps of Chinese is not that powerful enough to know when and how to use these 4 words, he didn't think so. He thought I was the loser and thus was over-sensitive that he didn't mean to blame me, and instead he was just joking that it was really 'because of my great words' that he lost. Errrr . . . confusing. Yea, but he INSIST THAT HE IS RIGHT AND HE KNOWS HOW TO USE THE WORDS AND HE HAD USED IT CORRECTLY, IN THE RIGHT CONTEXT ON THE RIGHT SUBJECT AT THE RIGHT TIME!
Lack of self-confidence I am not. I have the confidence that I know I did say that he may win too, right before the sentence that he may lose. I had voiced out my thoughts. And I know that the 4 words are not aptly used and I voiced out my concern and displeasure too. I am not meek and lack of self-confidence that I'll always doubt myself whenever I found some differences between what he claims and what I know. After he 'explained' his position, or rather insisted on his ground reasonably, I was opened to new ways of speaking (like using the 4 words but taking it jokingly with no hint of blaming) and is willing to accept his explanation, I have the confidence that if I apologize there and then, I'll still not lose. It's just a different set of opinions. Apologisation and quieting down is not a sign of losing. So I did that. But he did not, he went on and insisted that his and only his way of using it was correct, and that he had remembered what I had said and was very confident that he was right (to him, his display of confidence is being loud and insisting that he is right. but if I insist that I am right, I am showing attitude). Maybe he felt that once he backed down, he would lose all credibility in the future. He cannot lose, he will lose ground in the relationship if he loses and or even try to hold back. Now, who lacks self-confidence?
Having the last words I do not need. It is HE who needs the last word. Cos if he didn't have the last word, he would think that he had lost the battle, he had lost his foot in this relationship, he had lost face, basically, he had lost! Isn't this lack of self-confidence? DUH!
posted by Caller From The Falls at 2:57 PM
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