Doesn't he have a happy nerve?

I finally managed to survive his birthday without getting myself killed. We had breakfast together. His sister asked for a mahjong session that night. I asked him if he wanted to play. He asked me for a time. I said we had not talked about it but maybe it will be about 9+pm. This was enough for him to shoot a harsh remark and a stern face to me, and he told me not to talk to him about anything that was not concrete. If I did not have all the answers for him, then do not speak to him about it. Tell me if this doesn't qualify him as a jerk!

I was annoyed by his remark. Was the issue that life threatening? Was he such a busy man that I cannot make leisure comments with him? Anything that I communicate to him must come with a ten page report and an FAQ with 10-year series answers? Can't we just have a good peaceful breakfast and an ordinary husband and wife conversation?

Nonetheless, I posed the question to his sister, and stop talking to him. I just answer his questions simply. After breakfast, we went back to our room. He sensed that I wasn't myself (or my bubbly self, as how he put it) and asked me why. I was on the verge of a breakdown so I spoke my mind. What do I expect from him? Nothing too pleasing, not even a slight word of comfort. And yes, he never surprises me. He took a stern tone again and instructed me to do what I was told. And it was my fault for not finding out all the information before asking him for an answer. He said I was not up to mark and I shouldn't be telling him to lower his standards. This is his world and I play by his rules (oh yawn!!!!!). And he had to add that I must do something to spoil his birthday getaway, that he would remember this birthday treat for life. That was the last straw on the camel's back! I snapped. I went out of the room for some private time. He of course wouldn't let me have my peace, he ordered me back to the room for another round of lecture. I gave up holding back and scolded him. Out I went again, I just couldn't stand breathing the same air with a complete asshole!

I had some private moments and decided to go back to get some money. I went back, he was up at the jacuzzi. I went up, intending to shoot him some piercing sentences before heading out. But he told me to sit down and talk. It didn't matter if I wanted to or not, I knew it would make matter worse if I didn't heed it. I am never a creature incline to war as I had said. So I sat down. He wanted me to speak my mind. So I gave him my thoughts. He was quietly listening, although not looking at me, not answering my questions like what he said the rules in his world were. I asked him when did I ever start a quarrel in the morning and gave up my peace for the whole day. I asked him why didn't he think that I need help and I was already at the brink. After I spoke my mind (not all, just 1/10th I supposed, if I were to list down all my grievances, it would take a full day), he asked me for what I want. I told him - respect. I wanted respect from him, to treat me as a human being, to treat me as his wife, to let me have the right to talk, to speak my mind, to have my own habits, my likes and dislikes, my own moods, my way of handling things, my docile nature. He said OK. I thought, great, I see light at the end of the tunnel, which I had groped around in total darkness for so many years. I asked him why he kept thinking that the whole world should revolve around him and kiss his toes when it's his birthday while he was so trigger-happy when it comes to my birthday. I told him that whatever he told me to do, he didn't practice it, and whatever he told me not to do, he himself was doing it to me. I told him lots of things, albeit not the first time, and I seriously do not know how many had set him thinking of his own behaviour and character and will it ever impact him to change for the better. But at least I speak. Throw some arrows out, he will at least see some shadows if he didn't get hit.

He did apologise and admitted that it was he himself that did not make his birthday a happy one. I told him that a person is as happy as how he wants himself to be. If he wants to be happy, he would drop those small issues that he wouldn't even remember and make sure that they would not affect his urge for wanting to be happy for that moment or that day or his life! If he chose to always win, and wanting none other then perfectness in everything he come across before he thinks he will be happy, then he would never be happy.

Maybe he just prefer to have everything and everybody doing things perfectly the way he wants it, over his preference to be happy!

You are as happy as how you want yourself to be

Such a jerk! It was his birthday, and he expected the world to please and pamper him.

We went to King Albert Park to buy something from Cold Storage before heading to Sentosa. On entering the carpark, he saw two parking idiots who did not park their car properly, leaving him little space to park, he got irritated, told me to get off the car, and park his car in such that the person who parked his car at the line on his left would have problem entering his car. OK, fine, whatever, it wasn't the first time he meet such people, they are around in our lives everyday. If he gets angry at them everytime he sees one, he won't be a happy man for 9 out of 10 days.

After we bought the stuff and headed to Sentosa, he met some driving idiots who couldn't keep their cars in their lanes or who did not signal before changing lanes. Then he started getting upset again. Fancy getting upset over stupid things. If he gets angry at every such driver he sees, he won't be happy 10 out of 10 days.

After getting his mood affected by these jokers, he began to feel that his day, especially his birthday, was spoilt. At any minor little things that went wrong, he jumped. And that included jumping at me. I forgot what miscommunication went wrong between us, which in fact if you ask him now, he wouldn't even remember too, but at that time, he acted like I made the sky fall on him on his birthday. He kept mentioning to me that that was his birthday, and I wasn't making it enjoyable for him. (Fuck, when it was my birthday, I got scoldings from you, did you think those were enjoyable? I didn't scold you, I didn't even nag at you, just some silly little miscommunication that nobody remembers, and you think I was out trying to spoil your birthday!)

On reaching the reception of the resort, I checked in. I received a key. He asked me if we could get another, I asked the receptionist, he said it was for security reasons that only one was issued. I said OK. He insisted on getting another one. And the receptionist gave in and provided another one. There and then, I knew I was in trouble. Yes, I should have insisted and I learnt that it was possible. But I had gotten into deep trouble just to learn this. It wouldn't be such a mess if only my partner was not him. But alas, my husband is a fucker and the fucker is my husband. He nagged and scolded and chided me non-stop, even when we were unpacking in the room, even after I apologised, acknowledged my mistake, promised to change, thanked him, he still brought the matter up every 10 mins. Such a nag!

He wanted to go to the jacuzzi. OK, so I changed to my bikini, half way through changing, he told me harshly 'see, you didn't wear your bikini properly, you never listen to what I say do you'. Instinctively, I told him I was still changing (do you expect yourself to be perfectly dressed when you are only half way through? Maybe he thinks so). That was it, I was lined up for another scolding session. He said I rebutted at him, he said I could never do as I was told, he said I must comment whenever he said something (fine, so why are you commenting at every damn thing, even how I'm not dressed perfectly when I'm half dressed, so ironic!). I apologised and took all the scoldings in, including his never ending chides about the key card issue at the reception. Then he complained about shoulder ache. And of course, he didn't bring his shoulder rub. If I was the one in his situation, I would have another add on nag of the day about being stupid not to bring my rub when I knew I have frequent aches and even if it was my birthday, I did not deserve any pitying because it was my own stupidity that I ended up like that. Oh but it wasn't me who ended up in this state, it was him. And with him, you should never nag at him about his mistakes, you should never use a harsh tone on him, and it was his birthday, so you should refrain from even making him feel the slightest complain about him, especially when he was already not feeling well with the shoulder. Ah well, he is not called a jerk and a fucker for no reason!

So, as things always go with him, no matter how bad he condemned and scold you, when he needs help from you the next minute, he will still ask you to do it for him. That makes it seem like I'm a good for nothing, when he thinks I screw up, he has all the right in the world to scold me like I'm useless. The next minute when he needs my aid, he would still have the cheek to ask me to do it for him, but wait, aren't I useless, like what he had labelled me as? My third finger for you, idiot!

So I went to buy him his shoulder rub. I took some time as I made a call to my boss about work. The fucker called to see if I was fine. Oh, he sounded so gentle and caring, like we didn't have a quarrel 10 mins ago! To me, it was hypocritical, I don't know about him.

With all my anger inhibiting in me, I still vowed to try my best in making his birthday wonderful. We enjoyed the jacuzzi, made love, bathe and I dressed up for the dinner with him. I called to asked about directions and duration to get to the restaurant and told the restaurant to hold the table while we make our way across the island. Phew! Everything went right. It was a good dinner, he liked the food and the restaurant had planned a complimentary birthday cake for him at my request and it surprised him. The bill was not correct, but I raised it up to the waiter and had it corrected. Phew, still no mistake from me.

My life revolved around doing things his way or not. I do not feel happy when I do things right, or when I right things up, or when everything goes smoothly or not, I heaved sighs of relief when he feels happy with whatever I do or anybody else that comes into contact with him does fits what he wants. Fuck my own sentiments and moods, it doesn't bring me any gladness cos when he doesn't get his way, whoever it may be, he would be sure to make my life miserable as well.

We drove back to our resort. We were stopped at the gantry to the resort. There were 3 men staring at us like we make a wrong turn. He wind down his window and one of the man asked if we were the resorts guests. He said yes. The person asked for his key card. He was looking for it but couldn't find it immediately (Oh, by the way, if I were the one who couldn't present the key card immediately among request, guess what he would have done to me.) As he was still searching for the key card, the man asked him for his name and room number. He told that man. And that man called the recep to check their records. While on the phone, he found the key card with the card holder, which had our room number and the date of issue. He passed it to that man, who did not put down the phone immediately but went on to reconfirm our records on the guest list. All these just happen within minutes, and the call just took about 30 secs. But he was already fuming with madness. He demanded to know why they must check with the recep about our records, and why that man did not end the call with the recep immediately when he was able to present his key card, another man came and told him albeit not in a very polite tone that there were some issues so they need to check the cars coming in were really resort guests or just people hoping to get a parking lot to patronise Cafe Del Mar which was situated opposite to our resort. But after this explanation, he insisted that they should have let us pass when he produced the key card and they shouldn't need to check with the recep anymore. As he drove off, he loudly told them it's lousy service that they were providing.

He roared the car to the recep and ORDERED me to go down and give the recep a good scolding and get an apology. Holy cow! Who was mad? Him! Who wanted to get even? Him! Who could have given the men at the gantry a piercing comment while maintaining his own dignity but instead blasted it by being rude as well? Him! I was not happy with the gantry men but I was not happy with the way he had handled the situation no less. Because of some fucking idiots who do not know how to approach their own resort guests with courtesy for such sensitive issues, I ended up with a fucking mad man who shouted and ordered me about like I was the one who should dearly pay for it. It was not my nature to kick up a fuss just to get an explanation when I could put my point across in so many other ways and keep my peace for the night. But I wasn't given a choice to choose. I stormed off the car, slammed the car door, marched up to the recep and gave them the most disgusted look I had. These crazy men, 3 at the gantry & 1 in the car made me do extra work which messed up my peaceful nature.

I am not a person with a ton of scoldings to give when I'm angry. The fucker of my house should know it crystal clear. After making my complaint and got an apology from the recep, I asked them to provide me with whatever proof the gantry men need to let us pass without treating us like suspects. That recep printed me the invoice to my room. I angrily walked off with it. At least I had something in hand to pass on to that fucker. I met him outside the carpark, related what I said and did, and handed him the piece of paper. But he wasn't satisfied. He said he wanted some channel for complain but I did not fulfill what he was looking for and so I failed. I stormed back to the recep and asked for the feedback form. Another recep talked to me. I related the case, he passed me an email, I asked for a name to attention it to, and he apologised for the error. I again went back to that fucker and gave him what I had. And not surprisingly, I was given a good lecture all the way back to the room, another accusation of me trying to make the worst out of his birthday, a suggestion for me to stop spending money on him for his birthday cos he would not enjoy it anyway, and tons of naggings including the key card issue that happened that afternoon again. HE IS SUCH A FUCKING NAGGER!!!!!!!