Doesn't he have a happy nerve?
I finally managed to survive his birthday without getting myself killed. We had breakfast together. His sister asked for a mahjong session that night. I asked him if he wanted to play. He asked me for a time. I said we had not talked about it but maybe it will be about 9+pm. This was enough for him to shoot a harsh remark and a stern face to me, and he told me not to talk to him about anything that was not concrete. If I did not have all the answers for him, then do not speak to him about it. Tell me if this doesn't qualify him as a jerk!
I was annoyed by his remark. Was the issue that life threatening? Was he such a busy man that I cannot make leisure comments with him? Anything that I communicate to him must come with a ten page report and an FAQ with 10-year series answers? Can't we just have a good peaceful breakfast and an ordinary husband and wife conversation?
Nonetheless, I posed the question to his sister, and stop talking to him. I just answer his questions simply. After breakfast, we went back to our room. He sensed that I wasn't myself (or my bubbly self, as how he put it) and asked me why. I was on the verge of a breakdown so I spoke my mind. What do I expect from him? Nothing too pleasing, not even a slight word of comfort. And yes, he never surprises me. He took a stern tone again and instructed me to do what I was told. And it was my fault for not finding out all the information before asking him for an answer. He said I was not up to mark and I shouldn't be telling him to lower his standards. This is his world and I play by his rules (oh yawn!!!!!). And he had to add that I must do something to spoil his birthday getaway, that he would remember this birthday treat for life. That was the last straw on the camel's back! I snapped. I went out of the room for some private time. He of course wouldn't let me have my peace, he ordered me back to the room for another round of lecture. I gave up holding back and scolded him. Out I went again, I just couldn't stand breathing the same air with a complete asshole!
I had some private moments and decided to go back to get some money. I went back, he was up at the jacuzzi. I went up, intending to shoot him some piercing sentences before heading out. But he told me to sit down and talk. It didn't matter if I wanted to or not, I knew it would make matter worse if I didn't heed it. I am never a creature incline to war as I had said. So I sat down. He wanted me to speak my mind. So I gave him my thoughts. He was quietly listening, although not looking at me, not answering my questions like what he said the rules in his world were. I asked him when did I ever start a quarrel in the morning and gave up my peace for the whole day. I asked him why didn't he think that I need help and I was already at the brink. After I spoke my mind (not all, just 1/10th I supposed, if I were to list down all my grievances, it would take a full day), he asked me for what I want. I told him - respect. I wanted respect from him, to treat me as a human being, to treat me as his wife, to let me have the right to talk, to speak my mind, to have my own habits, my likes and dislikes, my own moods, my way of handling things, my docile nature. He said OK. I thought, great, I see light at the end of the tunnel, which I had groped around in total darkness for so many years. I asked him why he kept thinking that the whole world should revolve around him and kiss his toes when it's his birthday while he was so trigger-happy when it comes to my birthday. I told him that whatever he told me to do, he didn't practice it, and whatever he told me not to do, he himself was doing it to me. I told him lots of things, albeit not the first time, and I seriously do not know how many had set him thinking of his own behaviour and character and will it ever impact him to change for the better. But at least I speak. Throw some arrows out, he will at least see some shadows if he didn't get hit.
He did apologise and admitted that it was he himself that did not make his birthday a happy one. I told him that a person is as happy as how he wants himself to be. If he wants to be happy, he would drop those small issues that he wouldn't even remember and make sure that they would not affect his urge for wanting to be happy for that moment or that day or his life! If he chose to always win, and wanting none other then perfectness in everything he come across before he thinks he will be happy, then he would never be happy.
Maybe he just prefer to have everything and everybody doing things perfectly the way he wants it, over his preference to be happy!
I was annoyed by his remark. Was the issue that life threatening? Was he such a busy man that I cannot make leisure comments with him? Anything that I communicate to him must come with a ten page report and an FAQ with 10-year series answers? Can't we just have a good peaceful breakfast and an ordinary husband and wife conversation?
Nonetheless, I posed the question to his sister, and stop talking to him. I just answer his questions simply. After breakfast, we went back to our room. He sensed that I wasn't myself (or my bubbly self, as how he put it) and asked me why. I was on the verge of a breakdown so I spoke my mind. What do I expect from him? Nothing too pleasing, not even a slight word of comfort. And yes, he never surprises me. He took a stern tone again and instructed me to do what I was told. And it was my fault for not finding out all the information before asking him for an answer. He said I was not up to mark and I shouldn't be telling him to lower his standards. This is his world and I play by his rules (oh yawn!!!!!). And he had to add that I must do something to spoil his birthday getaway, that he would remember this birthday treat for life. That was the last straw on the camel's back! I snapped. I went out of the room for some private time. He of course wouldn't let me have my peace, he ordered me back to the room for another round of lecture. I gave up holding back and scolded him. Out I went again, I just couldn't stand breathing the same air with a complete asshole!
I had some private moments and decided to go back to get some money. I went back, he was up at the jacuzzi. I went up, intending to shoot him some piercing sentences before heading out. But he told me to sit down and talk. It didn't matter if I wanted to or not, I knew it would make matter worse if I didn't heed it. I am never a creature incline to war as I had said. So I sat down. He wanted me to speak my mind. So I gave him my thoughts. He was quietly listening, although not looking at me, not answering my questions like what he said the rules in his world were. I asked him when did I ever start a quarrel in the morning and gave up my peace for the whole day. I asked him why didn't he think that I need help and I was already at the brink. After I spoke my mind (not all, just 1/10th I supposed, if I were to list down all my grievances, it would take a full day), he asked me for what I want. I told him - respect. I wanted respect from him, to treat me as a human being, to treat me as his wife, to let me have the right to talk, to speak my mind, to have my own habits, my likes and dislikes, my own moods, my way of handling things, my docile nature. He said OK. I thought, great, I see light at the end of the tunnel, which I had groped around in total darkness for so many years. I asked him why he kept thinking that the whole world should revolve around him and kiss his toes when it's his birthday while he was so trigger-happy when it comes to my birthday. I told him that whatever he told me to do, he didn't practice it, and whatever he told me not to do, he himself was doing it to me. I told him lots of things, albeit not the first time, and I seriously do not know how many had set him thinking of his own behaviour and character and will it ever impact him to change for the better. But at least I speak. Throw some arrows out, he will at least see some shadows if he didn't get hit.
He did apologise and admitted that it was he himself that did not make his birthday a happy one. I told him that a person is as happy as how he wants himself to be. If he wants to be happy, he would drop those small issues that he wouldn't even remember and make sure that they would not affect his urge for wanting to be happy for that moment or that day or his life! If he chose to always win, and wanting none other then perfectness in everything he come across before he thinks he will be happy, then he would never be happy.
Maybe he just prefer to have everything and everybody doing things perfectly the way he wants it, over his preference to be happy!
posted by Caller From The Falls at 2:35 AM
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