He apologised but will he change . . . ?
This afternoon he sms me a 'sorry'. I replied asking him what about.
He replied again, telling me he is sorry for his outburst last night.
I gave him a 7 sms-long reply.
'OK, I'm sorry too. Jus to tell u how I feel. Everytime u hurt me & apologize, it heals 90%, the remaining 10% I hv to do it myself w time. B4 it's healed, u hurt me & apologize agn, n I hv 20% to wk on, 10% each time. Healing time can't outdo the freq of hurts, n it accumulates. I wish for us to talk in a nice tone always, even when I'm angry, I try to sound nice & dun use hurtful words that I dun mean, cos it's easier to hurt then to heal. Easier to end a bad moment w niceties then to make the moment into a few hrs of fight n recover fr a huge quarrel. Easier to forget wat we quarrel abt then the feelings we left behind. Hope to rem the feeling of both of us making effort to maintain peace & keeping matters small, rather than rem the fight. U kept ur temper & the matter small during our 1st cruise, I can't rem the matter, it wasn't a simple miscomm or misunderstanding, but I'll always rem how much effort u put in to keep peace. It made me feel loved & I felt so sorry for u tat I wan to cry & hug u. Ur silence & patience won my heart.'
Indeed, I've forgotten what the matter was about that I felt so bad about doing. And he even forgot about what happened on that cruise. But the feeling that he had tried so very hard to keep peace lingered on for years until now. This is the feeling I'm talking about. If I have a chance, I'll ask him if he could remember the last time I initiated and scolded him and whatever the matter was about. Bet he could't remember. I myself had forgotten. Then I can show him that the general feeling of being with me is that I do not scold him much. I can then ask him to tell me what was the general feeling of him being with me, did he scold me very often. His answer is probably yes, he reminded me that he had scolded me 3 days of the 4 after he has been back from his dive trip. I can then check with him what the matter was that made him scold him. I bet he couldn't remember it at his finger tips. If so, it meant that the matter was quite minor to him and me, that was the reason that we couldn't remember what it was about. But what do we remember? We remember that we quarrelled, or that he scolded me on many a times.
This is it. Simply put, small matters that he wouldn't even remember and that didn't hurt his life nor others one bit is not worth going through such a harsh scolding where bad memories are etched so deeply in our minds forever. For that small matter that nobody remembers, he had made it so big that it created a large hole in our relationship which could be scarred forever!
He replied again, telling me he is sorry for his outburst last night.
I gave him a 7 sms-long reply.
'OK, I'm sorry too. Jus to tell u how I feel. Everytime u hurt me & apologize, it heals 90%, the remaining 10% I hv to do it myself w time. B4 it's healed, u hurt me & apologize agn, n I hv 20% to wk on, 10% each time. Healing time can't outdo the freq of hurts, n it accumulates. I wish for us to talk in a nice tone always, even when I'm angry, I try to sound nice & dun use hurtful words that I dun mean, cos it's easier to hurt then to heal. Easier to end a bad moment w niceties then to make the moment into a few hrs of fight n recover fr a huge quarrel. Easier to forget wat we quarrel abt then the feelings we left behind. Hope to rem the feeling of both of us making effort to maintain peace & keeping matters small, rather than rem the fight. U kept ur temper & the matter small during our 1st cruise, I can't rem the matter, it wasn't a simple miscomm or misunderstanding, but I'll always rem how much effort u put in to keep peace. It made me feel loved & I felt so sorry for u tat I wan to cry & hug u. Ur silence & patience won my heart.'
Indeed, I've forgotten what the matter was about that I felt so bad about doing. And he even forgot about what happened on that cruise. But the feeling that he had tried so very hard to keep peace lingered on for years until now. This is the feeling I'm talking about. If I have a chance, I'll ask him if he could remember the last time I initiated and scolded him and whatever the matter was about. Bet he could't remember. I myself had forgotten. Then I can show him that the general feeling of being with me is that I do not scold him much. I can then ask him to tell me what was the general feeling of him being with me, did he scold me very often. His answer is probably yes, he reminded me that he had scolded me 3 days of the 4 after he has been back from his dive trip. I can then check with him what the matter was that made him scold him. I bet he couldn't remember it at his finger tips. If so, it meant that the matter was quite minor to him and me, that was the reason that we couldn't remember what it was about. But what do we remember? We remember that we quarrelled, or that he scolded me on many a times.
This is it. Simply put, small matters that he wouldn't even remember and that didn't hurt his life nor others one bit is not worth going through such a harsh scolding where bad memories are etched so deeply in our minds forever. For that small matter that nobody remembers, he had made it so big that it created a large hole in our relationship which could be scarred forever!
posted by Caller From The Falls at 12:02 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home