IT"S BLOODY TIRING . . .
It's damn bloody tiring! He went on his round again today. We were happily having lunch, then he mentioned about exercising, said that I did not go to the gym when I said I wanted to. Then I casually mentioned that 'yalor, been watching too much soccer... sigh...'!
That's it. I went through hell for that. He said I gave excuses for not going. I had many chances to go jogging, but I did not go. In the end, I was again at the receiving end of a hurl of abuses and accusations. Simply put, I still think that whatever responses I give, it's gonna give me hell. Not that I'm bias, but trial and error showed that there is never gonna be a right way. Anything and everything is wrong in his eyes!
When we were having tea at his parents' place, he told me to go drinking with him and his friends during the world cup match. I rejected him, saying I need to iron clothes (cos he says nothing gets done when he doesn't initiate) and I need to exercise (cos he says I do everything and anything else except exercising). He was shocked. He didn't expect me to reject. Then he said it is ok for tonight, he will not push me about exercising, we will do it during the weekends. I asked him straight in the face if it's me who did not try to find time, or it's really that my schedule was packed. What did we do last night? 49 days ceremony for his granny. I could not afford to miss it, and he jolly well knew that. What did we do on Tues night? We planned to go to the gym but he came back late and was tired at night, I was busy with work too, and he jolly well knew that. I specifically asked him if it's my activities who deterred me from going to gym or it's just me finding excuses not to go. He agreed that it was unavoidable. (But let me guess, the next time it's going to happen, maybe even within this week, if his temper is going to fly again, he will again blame it on me not finding time and looking for excuses always, that's why I was not able to go to the gym or to jog.)
Even till late at night, he asked me to compose an email for him. I composed and read it to him. He commented. I thought he missed what I had said and so I told him again what I had typed. HE HIT THE ROOF!!!!!!!!! He insisted that my attitude was bad, that when he tells me what to do, I should just simply do it and not ask, not question, nor do anything else other than do what he told me to do. I swallowed my anger, apologized and walked over to him to calm him down. He finally cooled off and stopped.....for less then 5 mins. He again started to nag and nag, I again stood up and walked over to him to calm him down again. And then he stopped again.....for less than 5 mins. He again started nagging again. I went over to him again to calm him down. He stopped, ....... and started again. IT'S BLODDY TIRING......! HOW MANY TIMES DOES HE THINK THAT I CAN DO THIS AND DON'T GO MAD!?!!?!?!!?? DID HE INTEND TO MAKE ME HELP HIM THROUGH CONSTANTLY SWALLOWING MY ANGER, WALKING TO HIM, AND CALMLY COOL HIM OFF!?!?!?!?!?!?
For at least 4 times, I calmed him down, but he started off again in less than 5 mins....! I am not a trained nurse, nor a psychiatrist. I AM THE BLOODY FUCKING SUBJECT THAT HE IS SCOLDING! How does he expect and demand that I keep my cool to help him cope with his FUCKING TEMPER!!!!!!!!
That's it. I went through hell for that. He said I gave excuses for not going. I had many chances to go jogging, but I did not go. In the end, I was again at the receiving end of a hurl of abuses and accusations. Simply put, I still think that whatever responses I give, it's gonna give me hell. Not that I'm bias, but trial and error showed that there is never gonna be a right way. Anything and everything is wrong in his eyes!
When we were having tea at his parents' place, he told me to go drinking with him and his friends during the world cup match. I rejected him, saying I need to iron clothes (cos he says nothing gets done when he doesn't initiate) and I need to exercise (cos he says I do everything and anything else except exercising). He was shocked. He didn't expect me to reject. Then he said it is ok for tonight, he will not push me about exercising, we will do it during the weekends. I asked him straight in the face if it's me who did not try to find time, or it's really that my schedule was packed. What did we do last night? 49 days ceremony for his granny. I could not afford to miss it, and he jolly well knew that. What did we do on Tues night? We planned to go to the gym but he came back late and was tired at night, I was busy with work too, and he jolly well knew that. I specifically asked him if it's my activities who deterred me from going to gym or it's just me finding excuses not to go. He agreed that it was unavoidable. (But let me guess, the next time it's going to happen, maybe even within this week, if his temper is going to fly again, he will again blame it on me not finding time and looking for excuses always, that's why I was not able to go to the gym or to jog.)
Even till late at night, he asked me to compose an email for him. I composed and read it to him. He commented. I thought he missed what I had said and so I told him again what I had typed. HE HIT THE ROOF!!!!!!!!! He insisted that my attitude was bad, that when he tells me what to do, I should just simply do it and not ask, not question, nor do anything else other than do what he told me to do. I swallowed my anger, apologized and walked over to him to calm him down. He finally cooled off and stopped.....for less then 5 mins. He again started to nag and nag, I again stood up and walked over to him to calm him down again. And then he stopped again.....for less than 5 mins. He again started nagging again. I went over to him again to calm him down. He stopped, ....... and started again. IT'S BLODDY TIRING......! HOW MANY TIMES DOES HE THINK THAT I CAN DO THIS AND DON'T GO MAD!?!!?!?!!?? DID HE INTEND TO MAKE ME HELP HIM THROUGH CONSTANTLY SWALLOWING MY ANGER, WALKING TO HIM, AND CALMLY COOL HIM OFF!?!?!?!?!?!?
For at least 4 times, I calmed him down, but he started off again in less than 5 mins....! I am not a trained nurse, nor a psychiatrist. I AM THE BLOODY FUCKING SUBJECT THAT HE IS SCOLDING! How does he expect and demand that I keep my cool to help him cope with his FUCKING TEMPER!!!!!!!!
posted by Caller From The Falls at 11:00 AM
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