He never ever humbly listen when his mistakes are pointed out . . .
He is the only one who can lecture people, point out other's mistakes, and the receiving party should never ever talk back, give reasons for his/her actions, explain things (even if you have a whole load of reasonable reasons, please don't ever say it out, cause it will be seen as rebutting & giving excuses), etc. . .
But when I point out his mistakes, he simply blow up and try to find any stupid things he can think of to scold me about.
I was only answering his question of where I was uncomfortable when we went jogging last night. That led to (and it always led to) him complaining on my lack of exercise. Seriously, how often I exercised, is how often he exercised. Whenever he went jogging, I went along. So if I lacked exercise, so does he. Anyway, it's quite an outright display of unconcern. Whenever I don't feel right, it must be, has to be, and is due to my lack of exercise. He was writing off our Sunday tennis session as being useless. And I told him that's partly because he wasn't putting his heart in it. The previous Sunday session, he was just standing there, occassionally picking up a few balls to hit over, occassionally giving it a run for the balls that I hit over. The rest of the time, I was doing the running and the picking of balls.
This struck him right on the chord, I bet. Cos he turned around and started scolding me for telling lies and trying to put him down to cover myself. He carried on and on, nagging and nagging non stop. I wanted to get him off my back, so I just said 'Sorry' & 'OK' to all his ridiculous accusations and questions. But he never ever intended to get to the end. Instead, he continued to accused me of not giving a good attitude.
I was so annoyed that I scolded him back. I kept apologizing to him just now, he refused to take it and stop the naggings, until I just couldn't stand his naggings, and then, he blamed me for not showing a good attitude. I made him realised that I didn't talk back at all, I was just apologizing and saying 'OK'. But he continued with his scoldings. He realised. So he changed his accusations, from me not showing a good attitude, to me not saying 'Sorry' & 'OK' in a good tone. I was so fed up with him I quarrelled without holding back.
We quarrelled all the way home. When he felt like it, he stopped in the middle of the pavement and scolded me. But when I initiated a stop, he wouldn't hear of it and condemned me of being stupid to stop in the middle of the pavement to quarrel. He said he is king and he rules our world. I better listen to him. If he wants to stop, we stop, regardless of where we are and if it's convenient or not. But if he wants to go, even if I demand to stop, he would not do it.
He kept blaming me for not offerring him help when he is on the verge of blowing up. I told him through the week, many a times, I did helped him and stopped any of his quick temper in hitting up to a full blast. Believe it or not, he actually had the cheek to tell me he doesn't remember he had blew up recently, so I didn't need to do my job. GOOD GRIEF!!!!! My contact lenses nearly dropped out of my eyes. Hey, dude! YOU DIDN'T WENT INTO A FULL RAGE RECENTLY IS AN OBVIOUS AND OUTRIGHT ENVIDENCE OF ME EFFECTIVELY HELPING YOU TO CURB IT! Did you think you really didn't scold me for the past week? That is impossible. You scold me every other day, if not every other hour. I had managed to contain your anger for the past few rounds. And you dare say I did not have a chance to do my job. You had credited the past week of peace to yourself, and nothing to me, when actually, you had never stopped scolding me, just that I had not let it go out of hand.
This is so ridiculous!!!!!
I told him no matter how many times I helped him, he didn't remember, and he was not grateful. And most importantly, he forget all about what happened. But not me! I was hurt, I was the one who swallowed hard, I was the one with the coped up frustration. How many more times can I help you without becoming a time bomb myself? And when after several times of success, I had already become highly stressed, with no where to let steam (I was to help you, what could I do with my anger except to eat it in). So finally, when I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't even help myself, much more then helping you, I snapped! And what do I get? Accusations of me not helping you, but worsening things instead.
You probably should see the light now. Helping you by giving in to you and containing your anger is not the way to cure you. Because you are not aware of it at all. And you never even make an effort to stop your irritating naggings and demands. This is not curing, this is just fire fighting. And the fire will never stop. Cos you are not consciously putting in effort to stop it. You are just depending all on me to fight the fire whenever it comes.
After a long while, we talked and you promised to change your ways, I successfully deluded myself that you are ready to change.
But when I point out his mistakes, he simply blow up and try to find any stupid things he can think of to scold me about.
I was only answering his question of where I was uncomfortable when we went jogging last night. That led to (and it always led to) him complaining on my lack of exercise. Seriously, how often I exercised, is how often he exercised. Whenever he went jogging, I went along. So if I lacked exercise, so does he. Anyway, it's quite an outright display of unconcern. Whenever I don't feel right, it must be, has to be, and is due to my lack of exercise. He was writing off our Sunday tennis session as being useless. And I told him that's partly because he wasn't putting his heart in it. The previous Sunday session, he was just standing there, occassionally picking up a few balls to hit over, occassionally giving it a run for the balls that I hit over. The rest of the time, I was doing the running and the picking of balls.
This struck him right on the chord, I bet. Cos he turned around and started scolding me for telling lies and trying to put him down to cover myself. He carried on and on, nagging and nagging non stop. I wanted to get him off my back, so I just said 'Sorry' & 'OK' to all his ridiculous accusations and questions. But he never ever intended to get to the end. Instead, he continued to accused me of not giving a good attitude.
I was so annoyed that I scolded him back. I kept apologizing to him just now, he refused to take it and stop the naggings, until I just couldn't stand his naggings, and then, he blamed me for not showing a good attitude. I made him realised that I didn't talk back at all, I was just apologizing and saying 'OK'. But he continued with his scoldings. He realised. So he changed his accusations, from me not showing a good attitude, to me not saying 'Sorry' & 'OK' in a good tone. I was so fed up with him I quarrelled without holding back.
We quarrelled all the way home. When he felt like it, he stopped in the middle of the pavement and scolded me. But when I initiated a stop, he wouldn't hear of it and condemned me of being stupid to stop in the middle of the pavement to quarrel. He said he is king and he rules our world. I better listen to him. If he wants to stop, we stop, regardless of where we are and if it's convenient or not. But if he wants to go, even if I demand to stop, he would not do it.
He kept blaming me for not offerring him help when he is on the verge of blowing up. I told him through the week, many a times, I did helped him and stopped any of his quick temper in hitting up to a full blast. Believe it or not, he actually had the cheek to tell me he doesn't remember he had blew up recently, so I didn't need to do my job. GOOD GRIEF!!!!! My contact lenses nearly dropped out of my eyes. Hey, dude! YOU DIDN'T WENT INTO A FULL RAGE RECENTLY IS AN OBVIOUS AND OUTRIGHT ENVIDENCE OF ME EFFECTIVELY HELPING YOU TO CURB IT! Did you think you really didn't scold me for the past week? That is impossible. You scold me every other day, if not every other hour. I had managed to contain your anger for the past few rounds. And you dare say I did not have a chance to do my job. You had credited the past week of peace to yourself, and nothing to me, when actually, you had never stopped scolding me, just that I had not let it go out of hand.
This is so ridiculous!!!!!
I told him no matter how many times I helped him, he didn't remember, and he was not grateful. And most importantly, he forget all about what happened. But not me! I was hurt, I was the one who swallowed hard, I was the one with the coped up frustration. How many more times can I help you without becoming a time bomb myself? And when after several times of success, I had already become highly stressed, with no where to let steam (I was to help you, what could I do with my anger except to eat it in). So finally, when I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't even help myself, much more then helping you, I snapped! And what do I get? Accusations of me not helping you, but worsening things instead.
You probably should see the light now. Helping you by giving in to you and containing your anger is not the way to cure you. Because you are not aware of it at all. And you never even make an effort to stop your irritating naggings and demands. This is not curing, this is just fire fighting. And the fire will never stop. Cos you are not consciously putting in effort to stop it. You are just depending all on me to fight the fire whenever it comes.
After a long while, we talked and you promised to change your ways, I successfully deluded myself that you are ready to change.
posted by Caller From The Falls at 11:58 PM
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